The Ex's Visit

Note: This is fiction. I didn't write it. This is from Aparador Prince . Comments are appreciated. :)

Hey, I dropped by your pad earlier. Since I still have your duplicate keys, I didn't knock - or maybe I was just too comfortable to come in without knocking. I wanted it to be a surprise but I wasn't able to see you there, it was foolish of me to visit at one in the morning after all. When was the last time I went here? Has it been weeks?

I walked past your shoerack. I can still remember the times when you'd come home from work and leave your shoes on the doorway and whenever I put them on the rack, you'd say that it's just a waste of time since you'll be using it again tomorrow. I really don't know why you make small things complicated. We were always bickering about things which are nonsense. Just like the time when I used your sneakers, I apologized but you were very furious so I just kept quiet. I'm happy we got over that fight, though.

Your living room is still a mess, just like the last time I saw it. Soiled clothes are scattered everywere, socks covering picture frames. Pictures of you receiving all those company recognitions. Weren't you the overachiever, the one with high hopes? More often than not, too high that you disregard other people. You hated people who doesn't excel in any field, even calling them stupid, or worthless. You even called me stupid once, when I asked you if troublesome is a noun or an adjective. To be honest, I still don't know the answer.

I planned to tidy up your living room, but I remembered you liked it the way it is. I often reminded you to clean but you said you were busy with all your endeavors. I tried to clean up once, but you got mad and said I have no right to meddle with your things, and make decisions as I please. I'm not sure if you really meant that. I hope not.

Oh, I peeked at your bedroom too. It was almost twice as messy as your living room. Perfume bottles scattered around, even more soiled clothes. That special place. The sacred part of the house. The place where I caught you fooling around with another man. And another. And some more men. You said it wouldn't happen again - but it did - more than I could remember. I got over it, though. I actually want to know how you've been faring in that field.

I was about to step out of the loft when I remembered to check the kitchen. It was the messiest part of the house, I tell you. Condiments spilled and dried up in the table. Broken wine bottles, pots and cauldrons on the floor. Haven't you washed the dishes for weeks?

The huge brawl that we had before I left the house passed through my mind. I can't remember how or why it happened, but it was the first time I snapped back. You were really mad that your hit me with a pan, and I threw glasses and mugs in retaliation. That fight was never settled, at least on your part. I'm okay now, totally at peace. How about you?

You always wanted someone who could dance very well, but I wasn't good at dancing. You were frustrated with my flaw that you wished to never talk about it again.

I just realized, we fought a lot, considering the time that we spent together. You always pointed out my flaws. You hated all my weakness when compared to your achievements. Weren't you able to see them when we were still dating? Some of the fights we had ended really bad that we had to endure cuts and bruises, not to mention the broken furniture that became the weapon of choice during the fight. I know you have toyed with the idea of killing me once or twice, or even more than that. But I'm thankful that you never did it.

As for me, I only thought of that once. Call it bad timing, but the only difference is that I acted on it - literally - with a kitchen knife. It was lying on the table and I picked it up without thought. Stabs. More stabs. Twenty-six, to be exact.

I would like you to know that unlike your assumptions that I don't have any talent, I have great interest in art, especially in french curves. Which is why I drew some on your back that night. I danced too - but I used the knife as the main dancer.

I'm sorry I forgot to wash that knife. Was it stainless?

My 10 Favorite Blog Lines from PLU Bloggers!

Hello! I will be updating some stories, soon. For the meantime, I'm going to give you a list of lines or stanzas from some PLU Blogs that I liked. Walang specific na tema, basta naibigan ko lang for some apparent reasons.

* * *

1. This will be my last prayer. This is the last time I give in to the tradition that I grew up to. With everything that I going on in my life, it is very tempting to put my fate in someone else’s hands. But I won’t. I will get through this without believing in anyone but myself, my family and my friends. They are all that I need.

But just in case you do exist, then reach out to me. Show me that you really are a god of love. They say that you will leave the rest of your flock to look for one lost sheep. If that is true then come and find me. I am right here.

- The Day I Stopped Believing - Nishiboy


2.“Um… I used to write because I was lonely. Because I wasn’t happy with how my life was. That’s how it’s been for the last couple of years. But for the first time, I can honestly say I’m just really happy. Stable and finally happy.”

“I guess… Or maybe I just can’t do happy. Because some part of me knows that’s not gonna fly with the people who read me. It’s like that Alanis record after Jagged Little Pill. No one wants to hear me thanking India. They wanna read about me weeping over loss or moaning about unrequited love. The very reason they come to me is because they’re sad too.”

- Fifteen Different Words for Tears - Citybuoy


3. "I'm not saying it is! Okay lang naman na maging on-call ka paminsan-minsan but not all the time. Ni hindi ka na nakakumpleto ng isang linggo sa pad natin dati. Kahit sa kalagitnann ng tulog natin o ng paglalambingan natin ay ang mga pasyente at hospital ang iniisip mo. And I'm tired to understand."

"You're pathetic Basty. Pati mga pasyente ko pinagseselosan mo. Ginagawa ko lang ang trabaho ko."

"At ako? Ano ako sa buhay mo? Parking lot? Kung saan mo naiwan ang kotse mo eh doon mo lang babalikan dahil alam mong naroroon lang ako naghihintay sayo? That's bullshit Popoy!"

- One More Chance - Dalisay Diaz


4.I have a habit of using things that are broken - perhaps that's reason why I can't seem to fix myself. I like bits and pieces of broken things - I find comfort in the fact that they're not perfect and that when they were perfect, they gave me the greatest of joys.

Tamang drama lang pero come to think of it, HE and ME - we're two broken things. Para kaming sirang payong na butas-butas at dilapidated na pero gamit na gamit pa rin. I guess we both enjoy the rain, kaso, to psyche ourselves na we are not going to get sick, nagpapayong kami - kahit wala naman naitutulong... Kahit in the end, we get the flu.

- Sirang Payong - Kaloy


5. I have often wished to disappear but with HIM, I finally found a place where I could be the best and worst of ME and still be accepted.

- You Knew This Was Coming  - Kaloy


6. "We could have been perfect. I take responsibility for what happened to us. Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Walang nababago sa nararamdman ko sa’yo. Kaya lang sinira ko na ang sarili ko. Pati tayo, sinira ko na rin. I am not anymore worthy of your love.I am not asking you to love me back,” ang dugtong niya pa. “Ang hinihingi ko lang, sana patawarin mo ako.”

- The Love I Lost  - Aris


7. I know you probably won't want to hear or read this but I realized that saying 'I'm just not ready to commit' means that I don't feel like the person I'm currently spending a lot of my time with. Ayoko mag-commit sa isang taong palagay ko ay hindi para sakin o hindi ko talaga mahal. At least that's how I saw it when I committed to ______ after just a few dates but never once thought of committing to _________ even after 'dating' for 8 months (technically flirting for a whole year). The bottomline was that I never felt that I loved _______ enough for me to commit to him.So there you go. It's really not about the ex. It's about the person's fear of getting tied to something he might not want to get tied to.

- Points Of View - Lanchie.

Note: This line, actually was from a conversation with our friend. Happy that it was documented by Lanchie. Hehehe.


8.“I know this is going to sound pretty awkward but I really need to tell you this.For almost three years na nawala ka, I thought I was already over you. I went out with others and all that, even got into my longest relationship. Pero nung muli kang nagparamdam a few months ago, n'un ko napagtanto na I've never gotten over you and I'm still madly in love with you. Ewan ko ba... Selfish ka kase. Maramot ka.”

"Kung selfish ako eh di sana pinaasa na lang kita noon pa. That's not the case. Ever since alam mo naman eh. At never kita pinigilan. And why do we have to go into a relationship kung okay tayo ng ganito? Alam mong ayoko lang na meron tayong parang obligasyon or we feel the need to compromise to each other. At alam mo rin namang magkaibang tao tayo 'pag nasa relasyon.”

“Eh alam ko naman ang lugar ko sa mundo mo, pero di mo ko masisisi kung paminsan-minsan gusto kong maging akin ka na lang... na sana ako na lang.”

“Let me put it this way, importanteng importante ka sa akin at may espasyo ka sa buhay ko. At the end of the day... at the end of it all, in a weird kind of way, tayo pa rin naman eh. Hindi naman ako mawawala, hindi kita iiwan eh.”

-Vicious Cycle - Lanchie 


9. Oo, maliit ang titi ni Donato pero kaya nitong ibigay ang kaligayahang hindi niya nalasap sa lahat ng mga lalaking dumating sa kanyang buhay. Sa ritual ng kanilang pagmamahalan ay natitiyak niyang sabay silang makakarating sa paraisong nais marating. Ang mga kamay nito ay gumagapang sa buo niyang katawan. At ang dila ang pinakamakapangyarihan sa lahat. Hatid nito ay kakaibang init na tumutunaw sa kanyang pagkatao. Ang dilang pumapasok sa kanyang pagkababae. Na tila nililinis nito ang mantsang nakadikit sa kanyang pagkatao. 

- Elena, bakit ka nagkaganyan? - JonDmur
 

10. When our heart gets broken, only us knows how deep or superficial the wound is. Expressing our emotions through words may not be enough to represent how much (or less) pain and sorrow we are going through. And moving on is inevitable. Each one of us is different.  We are individuals with different coping mechanisms. Most of us would probably take the traditional long process of 'grieving'. Which I did in my past (failed) relationships.  I questioned myself a million times why it ended and why it ended that way. I remember persecuting myself for a year.
But this time I chose to take  the easy way out. And many finds my decision or my process 'too soon'. Some came up to the conclusion that it was probably not love after all. To be honest, it doesn't bother me.  These opinions do not reflect what I have been through and what I am going through. I am my own person. 

 

- Moving On Redux - Miss Chuniverse

 

 

Anong pinakanagustuhan mo? :)

On Returning Slowly

It has been months din since I last posted something sa blog ko na to.
I was wondering what's wrong with me. Writer's block? Walang muse?
You guys know that I'm used to writing sad stories and since I find myself happy these days, wala akong maisulat. Sad pero totoo.

I asked for an opinion sa isang taong alam kong mahilig din sa mga sad stories, and this is what he has to say.

Quoting Kuya Nyl (Citybuoy)   :


"Well, I think I kind of just shrugged it off. I didn't write for a couple of months and then I decided I wanted to write for myself. Kebs if it's cheesy or if it alienates some of my readers. Tapos I realized I had more stories pa pala than just the weepy ones."


Since nakapagpahinga na rin ako ng ilang buwan, I guess oras na para magupdate ako kahit paminsan-minsan lang.


:)