Thursday, February 2, 2012

I wonder

I looked at your CV.

"Ahhhm."

"Good Morning po, Sir."

Nakita ko ang pag-ayos mo ng pagkakaupo. You then met my eyes. Makisig ka at bata.

I scanned your Curriculum Vitae.

"It's your initial interview so I'm just gonna be asking you questions to test your communication skills. Random questions. Random stuff. Feel free to express yourself."

Nakita ko ang iyong pagtango.

"Tell me something about yourself."

The standard interview question.

I heard you clear your throat.

"Uhmmm."

I stared at you. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit kakaiba ang dating mo sa akin. Para bang nakita na kita long time ago.

"My name is Rod Gomez Jr. I'm from Antipolo and I live with my mom."

We have the same name. It's nice.

Nakita ko ang iyong pagbuntong-hininga.

"I am 21 and I finished Political Science in PUP."

"Tell me something about your family."

That question caught you off-guard. Halata iyon sa panlalaki ng iyong mga mata.

"I'm sorry, Sir?"

That caught my attention.

I checked your personal information. Marahan kong tinignan ang mga data dito at napuna kong wala kang inilagay na pangalan ng iyong ama. I got curious.

"I saw in your CV that you didn't include your father's name. You just included someone named Juliet Manago as your Mother."

Juliet Manago? Could it be?


I swallowed hard.

"Ahh, yes Sir. I intentionally didn't put my father's name in my CV."

"May I know why?"

"I never had the chance to be with him. I'm a part of a broken family."

I swallowed hard again.  Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga naririnig ko.


"Where is your dad?"

"I don't know. According to my mom, when I was a baby, my father left us."

"Where is he now?"

"I don't have an idea. All I have are his brown eyes."

I saw you beam a bittersweet smile.

"Ahh. I forgot, and also this."

Tinuro mo ang krusipihong pendant na nakasabit sa iyong gintong kwintas. Napatahimik ako. Hindi ako maaaring magkamali. Hindi ako maaring magkamali. Alam ko ang itsura ng pendant na yon.

"Rod Gomez Jr."

"Yes, Sir. I was named before my dad."

Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos.

Juliet Manago is your mom. Rod Gomez is your dad. I am Rod Gomez and a girl named Juliet Manago was my girlfriend years ago. Iisang tao lang ba ang Juliet na kilala ko at Juliet na kilala mo?


I tried to compose myself. Hindi ako pwedeng magpaapekto. Ikaw ba ang anak ko?

"How do you feel towards your father?"

"I don't know. Honestly, I feel fortunate because I have a mom who raised me well. My mom is the one who molded me to be this man. My dad has no credits for this."

"I see." I took a deep breath. Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. "What if you'll see your father now? What will you do?" follow-up question ko.

Napatahimik ka. Kinabahan ako sa mga pwede kong marinig.

"I wonder if he'll even recognize the man that his little boy has grown up to be. What will I do if I'm gonna see him? I'm not gonna hug nor kiss him. Maybe I'll just pass through him and not notice him at all? I don't know. Sir, I might sound rude or what. But I'm sure you can't blame me for feeling this way. At the very least, I do not feel angry. It's just, I simply don't care."

Tears are starting to build up. Nakikita ko ang sarili ko sayo. Ngayon ay naiintindihan ko na kung bakit iba ang dating mo sa akin. Lukso ng dugo. Lukso ng dugo.

"What if he apologizes? And says he's gonna be back to fill in the years he's not around? What will you do?"

I saw your reaction. Somehow parang tinablan ka sa tanong. Nakita ko ang pangingilid ng luha. Pinipilit mong pigilin ito.

"It's not easy to forgive. He was never a man. He was never a father."

Pakiramdam ko ay nadurog ako sa pagkakasabi mo ng He was never a father.


"He didn't even have the balls to do his responsibilities as a dad. It's not fair. He's not fair. If he wants to fill the years in, he shouldn't have left. He wasn't there when I needed a father. He wasn't there when I needed someone to guide me when I got circumcised. He wasn't there to teach me how to court. He wasn't there to teach me how to do techy stuff at home. He wasn't there for me when I needed a fatherly figure."

Nakita ko ang iyong paghikbi. Pinipigil ko ang sarili kong umiyak. I handed you my hanky.

Nagulat ka at kinuha mo ito.

"Sorry. I got a bit emotional. Sir."

You wiped your tears.

I nodded.

"Last question, given the chance, I am your real father. Just an instance, I am your real father, what will you do to me?"

Kinabahan ako sa isasagot mo.

"I'll just look at and let you witness I'm already a grown up. I'm already a man. And I'll make you feel sorry for leaving me and my mom." maangas mong tugon

Nanliit ako sa mga narinig. Alam kong malaki ang nagawa kong dagok sa iyong pagkatao.

Nakita ko ang aking relo at lumagpas na tayo sa oras.

"Okay Mr.Gomez, thanks for sharing everything. You did well on our initial interview."

I saw a smile on your face.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Results will be given in a while. Kindly wait sa lobby."

Ngumiti ka muli at nakita ko na ang paglabas mo sa kwarto.

Nanlumo ako sa aking mga narinig. Dapat maibalik ko ang dati. Dapat mawala ang galit mo sa akin.

I looked at your CV. Tears started falling.

E N D

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

what i can say is big remorse sa sa sarili ng daddy at kaharap pa nya ngayun ang anak....na ngayun lang nakita at nakausap ng harapan...if i were in that case,,,, i will tell him the truth in front of my son.... how im missing him so much.... i will go and visit my son's house...and i will explain everything to him...and how much i love him..... sana may karugtong kung bakit nangyari un...

ramy from qatar

Rue said...

mswerte ung junior...kht wla xang tatay lumaki xa ng maaus...
kesa my tatay nga, wla namang gnwa kundi gwn kang utusan, ipahiya, balingan ng init ng ulo at maliitin ka dhl d 2lad niang kahoy, martilyo, at lagari ang hawak, ang sau lapis at papel... :/
mswerte pa dn xa...