There is no other way to do this…
“I love you”, you said.
I smiled as I read your text message.
But then that smile immediately turned upside down.
I walked home as I thought about how I was hurting you. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t want this to happen.
I first met you by the road. It was a very usual day. I was by a shed waiting for my ride when I noticed you looking at me. I just gave you a nod and smiled a little.
“Hi.”, you said.
I was shocked when you approached me. I thought you were some lunatic that would mug me.
But still.. I said, “Hey.”
You released a gentle smile.
I can’t exactly remember how things went after that. I just soon found myself enjoying your company. You were smart and funny. And very jolly I must say.
We were good friends until that very day you told me about how you feel.
You were falling for me.
I appreciated. But then felt sad.
You were very patient though I know I am hurting you in ways I know, are intentional on my side. I wasn’t fair.
But still, you tried to pursue me.
My conscience is eating me up. I couldn’t do this. You know me. I know you.
You’re the kind of guy who is afraid of commitments. A guy who doesn’t want strings attached with. I understood. You were my friend after all.
But me? How come you can’t understand? I can’t be the guy for you. I never will. Please understand.
“I love you.” – this were the words I don’t want coming from you. Please don’t. I want you as a friend. And I want it to stay that way.
Still, you loved me.
And now, we’re sitting inside a cafe. I can see tears falling from your eyes. It was my own doing. I don’t want to see you like this. But, I have to. This isn’t fair. Not to you.
I told you not to love me.
You deserve someone better. Not me.
I handed you my handkerchief as I again explained why we can’t be together.
I gave a deep sigh.
You cried again.
I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I stood up and gave you a firm hug and I whispered something that made you cry even harder.
I gave you a kiss on the cheeks and left.
I cried the heaviest tears as I left the café. It was excruciatingly painful. I never wanted to hurt someone. Not you, not anyone.
But I had to tell you those words. I know it was intentional.
And I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I hurt you.
I soon reached my house and quickly turned the knob.
There I saw him. The reason why I intentionally hurt you.
I gave him a bright smile as I felt contentment as I looked into his eyes.
I know I made the only decision that ever was.
I rushed to him and gave him a tight hug as I remembered the words I said to you.
“I love him too much to hurt him… I’m sorry… All I can ever be is be a friend to you…”