Friday, September 28, 2012


I was a guy who literally could have anything I want. I proclaimed myself king of my own world and whoever steps in it becomes my servant.

People see me as the free spirited one, does things impulsively, or simply put, “happy go lucky”.

“He’s got everything he wanted. Nice car, clothing, house, name it.”, they would say.

“Gawd, I wish I was him.”, the other said.

This all made me smile. But not in a happy way.

I’ve always searched for paradise. True happiness as they say. So I kept on searching and searching till the roads seemed more complicated. I think I was lost.

It soon came to me that there was no paradise. Though at the back of my mind I was still hoping there is.

I turned into a monster. A monster that people adored. They saw me through what I look like, what I want, what I desire. Name it.

Just like every spoiled rich kid you’ll know, I had women around me, even men. I play with people. I want what they can give me. Spoil them of their desires and leave them dry.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about anything anymore. I do. I just didn’t realize it at first. She was Hannah, the love of my life.

She was exactly what I wanted. Yes, what I wanted. She satisfies my guilt, my anger, sadness, longing, and all of my selfish desires. She was even good in bed. Best even.

But she wasn’t happy with me. How could she be? I wander all through the city with my charms and feed on other’s weaknesses. Money. What else? Money for sex. I even get it free most of the time. What do you think my charms are for?

I was young, rich, and handsome. What more could I ask? I’m living the dream of everybody. People envy me.

But that didn’t last for long.

She came to me one day, crying. Not for the reason that she came to me, but when she saw me in bed with another woman. 

“I’m pregnant.”, she said crying.

“Oh? Who is the father?”

Then and there, she slapped me and left.

“What the hell is wrong with her?”

I marched myself to the kitchen to get a glass of water and some aspirin. My head is killing me because of last night’s party. It was worth it though.

When my head finally cleared itself up, there I realized why Hannah slapped me.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!”, I said angrily.

I got dressed and rushed my car down to Hannah’s place. I still saw her crying. I dragged her to her room and asked her if it was mine.

I got slapped again.

“Of course it’s yours, you dumbass!”, she said crying.

I was then frightened by the thought. This couldn’t be happening! I’m young, rich, and can do whatever I want. This thing will end all of it. The parties, the social life, the drinking, everything.

I wasn’t ready to give that up.

“That couldn’t be mine.”

There, she cried even more.

I left her that very day. Returned to my parties and resumed my old life. I was happy again.

But again, it didn’t last for long.

For weeks, it haunted me. The thought of having a child. How could this happen to me? People told me it’s a wonderful thing. How could it be? It will end all the nights of being wild. I’m not ready to be a father. Not now, not ever.

Because of my guilt eating me up, I went with her to her appointments with the doctor. That’s the least I could do. Even if it was against my will.

I tried to convince myself that all the good days are over. I was angry with Hannah, she didn’t take her pills. And now, she’s pregnant.

Time went by and I gave up on the hope of finding paradise. It was the world’s sick joke. Letting people hope they would find one. I’ve been to places, I didn’t find it.

I was having a blast at one party when the call finally came in. I instantly ditched everyone and dashed my way into my car. Hannah called. It was time.

I can’t help feeling a little excited though doubts still clouded me. I can even hear my heart pounding.

I made my way to where Hannah was. I can see pain in her eyes. Not only because of what she was experiencing, but also what I made her feel.

But then everything made sense.

Everything just felt like nothing seemed to matter to me anymore. The sex, parties, alcohol, everything! And it was because of this one particular thing, a cry.

“It’s a baby boy.”, one said.

I looked at Hannah. She looked so exhausted yet relieved. I know she felt it, too.

A female nurse held out my child to me. It was one unforgettable feeling. Suddenly, my doubt and fears seemed meaningless.

Again, I looked at Hannah, she was as if waiting for what I have to say.

I felt my son move it’s head. He looked so small, innocent.

 Instantly, tears were gushing out of my eyes. I was feeling ecstasy. A feeling far beyond magical, mesmerizing, or even wonderful.

And the moment that our skin touched, all I can say was, “Daddy’s here.”

Hannah reached her hand to me. I handed her our son.

“He’s mine. Ours.”, I said tearfully.

I then saw satisfaction and contentment in her eyes. She released a smile before she fainted of exhaustion.

I looked at my son.

I felt it.

I know it.

It wasn’t just a world’s sad joke.

It’s got to be it.

I found it.

I found paradise.

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